Guru

Guru

by John A. Mathews

(This sketch was inspired by true events.  They just happen to be made up.)

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EXT – MOUNTAIN TOP
CHUCK struggles to the final plateau of Mount Jomba. He sees MASTER SUNG beneath a small temple.

CHUCK
Oh, finally!

MASTER SUNG
Welcome to the top of Mount Jomba, my son.
Many come searching for answers, but few find–

CHUCK
Yeah, yeah. Listen Guru, I got an red 1989
Chevy Camaro Coupe.  A thing of beauty.
Well, I hears a knocking under the hood,
I look, and the God damn engine’s cracked!
So now I’m asking you,
will she still run the same
if I rebuild the engine?
Or is it too late for her?

MASTER SUNG
My son, the things of this world are
transient and ephemeral.

CHUCK
So I needs to get a whole new engine?
It doesn’t feel right though,
just gutting her like that.
Look at these photos.

Chuck pulls out Polaroids of the car.

CHUCK (CONT’D)
How do you tell your baby
she needs a heart transplant? Huh?
You look me in the eyes
and you tell me that, Guru!

MASTER SUNG
My son, I’m not saying what
you should do with your car.
I am only suggesting that
true happiness is not going to be found
in material objects.

CHUCK
So I should just let her go.

Chuck thinks a minute.

CHUCK (CONT’D)
Come on!
What am I supposed to do?
Get a Firebird?
I don’t want to be that guy!

MASTER SUNG
You think your own value is placed
in the value of the car!
Well, you are not your car!
You are you!

CHUCK
Oh man. You’re right, Master Fong.
You’ve opened up my eyes.

MASTER SUNG
It was my pleasure.
And it’s Master Sung.
My name is Master Sung.

CHUCK
Wait, you aint Master Fong?

MASTER SUNG
No. Master Fong
lives on Mount Chaca.

CHUCK
Oh Jeese! No wonders!

Chuck pulls out a giant map.

CHUCK (CONT’D)
(to himself)
Stupid Map of the Gurus!
I knew this was going to be
20 bucks wasted.

MASTER SUNG
What are you doing?

CHUCK
I gotta figure out
how to get to Master Fong.

MASTER SUNG
But…I’m just as good as Fong.

CHUCK
I can’t believe I fell for all that.
“You’re not the car,” crap.

MASTER SUNG
I’ve lived in solitude
for 20 years.

CHUCK
I guess I made a wrong turn
at the rock that looks
like a butt crack.

MASTER SUNG
I may not know fuel injection,
but I know…soul reflection.

CHUCK
Ah huh. And what
am I supposed to do with that?

Master Sung floats in mid air.

MASTER SUNG
Find your own worth
and the power within you.

CHUCK
You’re floating!

MASTER SUNG
It’s easy, when you know
the language of the wind.
Listen with me.

Chuck listens and then is suddenly floating too.

CHUCK
Wow! I can’t believe this!

MASTER SUNG
Many things in this world–

CHUCK
Hey, there he is! Master Sung!

Chuck floats off.

MASTER SUNG
Wait!

CHUCK (O.S.)
I got an red 1989
Chevy Camaro Coupe.
A thing of beauty.
Well, I hears a knocking
under the hood, I look, and the
God damn engine’s cracked!

BLACK OUT

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Mountain Top

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