HOUSTON – A new study performed by Sheryl Sutton and her friends at Houston Heights High School Saturday revealed that Todd Jackson is a “Total Douche”. While it had been suspected for some time that Jackson was “Irritating” and possibly a “Douchebag”, it wasn’t until he stood up Sutton for the prom that his ranking moved significantly up the Houston Heights Douchiness Scale.
Suzie Gardener, close friend to Sutton and fellow cheerleader, added, “I always thought he [Jackson] was kind of douchy, but leaving her waiting at her kitchen table for four hours?! In full make-up and high heels?! Who does that?”
The Houston Heights Cheerleaders have performed a series of douche tests on Jackson throughout the years, including: spending time with Jackson at keggers, dating Jackson, and simply hooking up with Jackson while drunk after football games. While his level of douchiness has fluctuated, it has now become evident that, at a minimum, Jackson is a Total Douche.
Jackson commented by saying, “Hey, the only reason I missed the prom was because my brother needed an emergency spleen transplant or something. Besides, the Astros were playing that night.”
People who hate on Glee but still watch it continue to rank the highest on the Douchiness Scale, ranking as “Total Piece of Shit Fucking Douchebags”.