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“Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds!” – Homer Simpson

What I’ve Learned from Watching Porn

What I’ve Learned from Watching Porn

No matter what operation you’re about to have, you’re balls will need to be shaved. Deep emotional trauma is best resolved by having sex with your therapist. If the pizza isn’t delivered in 30 minutes or less, someone’s dick will get sucked.

Hogwarts Illegally Recruits Top Quidditch Players

Hogwarts Illegally Recruits Top Quidditch Players

HOGWARTS, SCOTLAND – Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been brought up on charges of bribery and corruption of minors for its recruitment efforts of top Quidditch players. Igor Karkaroff, former Highmaster of the Durmstrang Institute, is the lead plaintiff in the case, whose school is also Hogwarts top competitor.

Cancer Researchers on Facebook All Day

Cancer Researchers on Facebook All Day

A new study performed at UCLA revealed that cancer researchers spend 90% of their time at work on the famous social networking site, Facebook. Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn, Professor of Biology and Physiology at the University of California, San Francisco, commented on her role in the study: “I’m simply using Facebook to confer with other scientists about up and coming research.  Of course we also visit each others farms in Farmville.”