Use protection on your wallets!
Many people out there have been wondering, “What happened with our economy?” “Where did it go?” “Is this it?” “No, that’s a bottle opener.” And “Why does it cost so much for cheese here?” Of course you were probably wondering this a year ago and have lost interest since. Well, I’m finally here to break it down for you in simple terms.
Searching for a new roommate can be like searching for a new way you would like to be tortured daily. Passive aggressive conversations? Inconsiderate trash dumping? Girlfriend plundered while you are at The Gap?
As such, Uncomfortable Hug has decided to provide this guide for people who might be looking for a roommate, so that you can have a leg up on the calamities that will surely fall upon you in the future. This is a translation of roommate postings versus actual meanings, soon to be another option on Babelfish. Continue reading »
Karate Kicking Dirt and Grime Away.
1. They are extremely noisy! Hey STOMP, I have neighbors around! Do you really have to smash the lids together while you’re emptying the trash? Please explain to me how that helps.
2. It takes 8 of them to do one person’s job, and they still do it poorly. I don’t know if they’re union, but they had one stage to sweep, and all of them “had” to do it at the same time. It took them 2 1/2 hours, they took several breaks, and it was dirtier at the end than when they started. I mean, at least split up your work and do several jobs poorly at the same time. It’s more efficient that way.
3. They’re always breaking things. They broke 4 brooms, a mop, and several paint cans in the short time I was watching them. And no one had even asked them to paint! If you do hire them, have them bring their own supplies.
4. They dismantled the sinks in order to wash dishes. Who does that? Hello? There’s a reason those sinks were attached to the water pipes. Who’s going to put those back? Thanks for turning off the water pressure at least, but I was going to take a shower STOMP. Now what? I’m supposed to go to work smelling like yesterday?
5. I’m pretty sure they live at the dump, so their idea of what’s clean may not be ideal. They surround themselves with old road signs and oil drums. It’s like something out of The Road Warrior. It’s kind of like hiring homeless people to clean your place. What does a homeless person know about being clean? He picks out the least urine smelling corner to sleep on.
