HOGWARTS, SCOTLAND – Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been brought up on charges of bribery and corruption of minors for its recruitment efforts of top Quidditch players. Igor Karkaroff, former Highmaster of the Durmstrang Institute, is the lead plaintiff in the case, whose school is also Hogwarts top competitor.
A new study performed at UCLA revealed that cancer researchers spend 90% of their time at work on the famous social networking site, Facebook. Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn, Professor of Biology and Physiology at the University of California, San Francisco, commented on her role in the study: “I’m simply using Facebook to confer with other scientists about up and coming research. Of course we also visit each others farms in Farmville.”
HOUSTON – A new study performed by Sheryl Sutton and her friends at Houston Heights High School Saturday revealed that Todd Jackson is a “Total Douche”. While it had been suspected for some time that Jackson was “Irritating” and possibly a “Douchebag”, it wasn’t until he stood up Sutton for the prom that his ranking moved significantly up the Houston Heights Douchiness Scale.