INDIANAPOLIS – Seven month gestated Robert/Steven/Charles Milford (first name not yet decided upon by parents), could be the most intelligent fetus ever unborn.  Conceived on Niels Bohr’s birthday, the fetus developed normally, as far as doctors could tell, with no unusual growths or movements.

During one ultrasound, however, the Milfords discovered something quite remarkable: Robert/Steven/Charles was working on advanced calculus equations using the ooze on the uterine lining.

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BLACK PYRAMID — Mumm-Ra, demon-priest and ever-living source of evil, signed Third Earth’s toughest immigration bill into law on Thursday. The law aims to identify, prosecute, and destroy all illegal immigrants, with prosecution being optional.

Not surprisingly, the bill has been surrounded by controversy.  Lion-O, leader and hereditary Lord of the ThunderCats, has called the bill “anti-Thunderan,” suggesting it encourages the Mutants of Plun-Darr to engage in Thunderan profiling.

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LOS ANGELES – In what many are calling “poor planning” on the part of the Grilled Cheese Invitational (GCI), the development of the most advanced grilled cheese sandwich in the world, RyeNet, has led to what is now an ongoing genocidal attack on the entire human race.

The Beginning of the End.