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Hogwarts Drops “Defense Against the Dark Arts” Classes Due to Budget Cuts

Hogwarts Drops “Defense Against the Dark Arts” Classes Due to Budget Cuts

HOGWARTS, SCOTLAND – In a tragic turn of events, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will be dropping its Defense Against the Dark Arts (D.A.D.A.) classes, effective this summer, due to severe budget cuts from the Ministry of Magic. “Cornish Pixies don’t just grow on trees, you know,” said current Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, adding, “Well, they are born there, but they grow in caves and swamps.”  These are just one of the many rare, and expensive, D.A.D.A. creatures that the…

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Fire Department Initiates New “We Don’t Have Time for This Crap” Program

Fire Department Initiates New “We Don’t Have Time for This Crap” Program

SAN JOSE, CA – After saving the same drowning dog for the fifth time Thursday, local firefighters put the dog to sleep in what they are calling a new “We don’t have time for this crap” Program.  The program, approved by all members of the San Jose City Council, calls for action that is in the best interest of the firemen’s time, the communities money, and the process of Darwinism. “Last week we got a call about a potential meth…

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